Life Crises and Lou Reed

Anthony has finally taken a break from his crises to give me a few minutes to speak. It got me to thinking about mid-life, quarter-life and other fractional portions of life crises. Anthony experienced his first (shall we call it quarter-) life crisis in 1991 when he fled rural Virginia mountains for Mt. Madonna, a yoga community in the mountains above Monterrey Bay, California. He did yoga, worked an organic farm, cooked in vegetarian kitchen for 150+ members of the community, built houses for extra cash, met fascinating characters also escaping their previous lives and generally led a simple life for 8 mos. He hung out with Thich Nhat Hanh, Baba Hari Dass and other wise and peaceful bearded and non-bearded fellows from around the world. He ultimately decided to try out his previous life again, bringing with him a sense of potentially renewable personal peace, balance and purpose. Did it work? Well, sort of... More recently he has been experiencing what one might call a mid-life crisis, riding a scooter, getting divorced, moving out of the first home he ever purchased, questioning his job and role as a dad, worrying about the future and the past in equal measure. Basically he has been struggling with his dreams, nightmares, expectations for life in general.

So... what's with this labeling of mid-, quarter-, again, pick your fraction, life crisis? I mean, really, humans don't really have any idea how long they're going to live, right? So how does anyone know what portion of their lives is being represented by his/her current crisis? Paul Walker just died. What were, when were his crises? What about Lou Reed? Anthony was too caught up in his own crap to reflect on the passing of the great Lou. How many crises did he have? If he were to look back on his life, how would he fractionally apportion them given how long he ended up inhabiting Earth?

I guess my point is, humans are so silly and idealistic to think they only get to have less than a handful of crises neatly tucked into slices of the pie that represents the fullness of their lives. I don't know what Anthony took/is taking away from so much crisis, but if he was paying attention at all he would realize, if only from his studies of Buddhism, that life is full of suffering that comes directly from the failure to recognize the relationship between expectations and the realization of them, or desires and the lack of materialization of them. Isn't a crisis just the result of the gap between what one hopes will happen, what actually happens, and what one does (mentally, physically, emotionally) with that result? In that case, doesn't that happen pretty much constantly throughout human lives in varying waves resulting both from pebbles gently dropping in a calm pond to tsunamis wrecking total havoc on not just individuals, but entire social structures on the planet? Doesn't it happen every day, if not in almost every moment, when humans do that thing that I've come to refer to as "spinning?"... They hope for something, see what happens and have some sort of reaction ranging from, "great, just what I hoped would happen" or "wow, this is so unexpectedly wonderful" to "I knew it, nothing ever goes my way. I'm doomed." Or sometimes humans just quietly remove themselves to cry, drink, eat, throw up, have migraines...

Anyway, I guess my message to humans reading this is: Enjoy your current and future crises and don't worry about how they fit into what will eventually be your history. You have no idea, really. And if you find yourself looking back at past crises, why not do it with kindness and curiosity? Anthony's therapist gave him this amazingly simple tool to slow the spinning long enough to have a different experience of current and future crises because, really, why would you or he want to experience them the same every time? The instruction is, should you find yourself "spinning" in the muck of your familiarly boring thoughts, stop. Engage your senses in something else. Anthony's favorite is to play "I spy" with the color red... or squares. A friend of his prefers circles. Whatever. Stop the spinning. Look around you for all the color red you can find. Are they the same color red? Is some of it really more magenta, pink or orange? Look for squares. What's up with those squares? What are they? Why are they there? Is that really a square or more of a rectangle, or a rhombus?

And then return the supposed crisis at hand or to the crisis from the past you were spinning about. What had you expected to happen? What actually happened? Do you have any different conclusions now about what happened? Can you do something about it? Then do it. Can't do anything? Time to let it go, there are more crises coming... And, ultimately, all crises are the same.

Crisis=Life

Consider greeting your human friends this week with, instead of "How's it going?" try "How's your crisis?"

And when you take leave, how about, "See you tomorrow. Enjoy your crises!"

"You try anything once
You try anything twice
You do what you gotta do
But I love you, Suzanne
You do what you gotta do
You do what you can
Do what you wanna do
Oooh, I love you, Suzanne
You try anything once
You try anything twice
You do what you wanna do
Oooh, I love you, Suzanne
I love you when you're good, honey
I love you when you're bad
You do what you wanna do"

Thank you, Lou. Do what ya gotta do, humans.

A moment of Zen? [9:26]

Dexter Bad Beards

These remarkably similar beards will both have come to the end of their respective runs this evening.

Clearly examples of beards using their superpowers for evil (and entertainment of the masses).

Which beard is your favorite?

Other Superpowered Beards

In no particular order...

Louis C.K.'s Explanation of Why He Hates Smartphones

Mike Doughty, ‘Super Bon Bon’ – Exclusive Video Premiere

Kenny Rogers

Anthony's students, who are always full of uninvited fashion and beauty advice, recently suggested that he trim me into a wooly rectangle that would surround just his mouth and dangle from his chin. A goatee, I believe, it is called. Ew, I thought. How arrogantly naked that would make me feel, like a healthy pair of well-worn jeans that has been trimmed to gaudy, shameless short shorts. Anyway, I'm pretty sure Anthony isn't taking this advice to heart. Just in case, though, I thought I'd present my case, including a disturbing visual as evidence. Surely he'll consider the fact that I would be nowhere near full strength. In other words, my superpowers would be not just be proportionally diminished, but rather exponentially reduced. I'm not sure the world realizes it works this way, but there is a clear case study in Kenny Rogers. Take a look at the fully-bearded and timeless genius on the left, compared to the plasticky facial sink hole on the right. How did this happen, you ask? Clearly, once he sacrificed the source of his superpowers (his beard, duh) for the sake of the shallow and superficial fashion statement that is the goatee, it all fell apart.

I rest my case.

Los Barbudos

So, I want to tell you about my people and about Anthony's people, too, in a way. One of Anthony's greatest challenges as a Spanish teacher is to get his students to understand that, although there are at least 20 countries that speak Spanish, Spain, Mexico, Chile, Peru and Cuba, for example, are all very different even though they speak the same language. In particular, Spain and Mexico have a long and mostly historically non-congenial relationship. The native people to Mexico, as you likely already know, were not treated very well upon the arrival of the Spanish. With Columbus Day coming up here pretty soon it seems like a good time to explain the Spanish phrase "barbudos" and also why Mexicans and other Spanish speakers of the Americas might have mixed emotions about this holiday.

Kurt Vonnegut described the historical moment pretty well in "Breakfast of Champions:"

"1492. As children we were taught to memorize this year with pride and joy as the year people began living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America. Actually, people had been living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America for hundreds of years before that. 1492 was simply the year sea pirates began to rob, cheat, and kill them."

This is where the "barbudo" connection comes in. You see, native people of the Americas are not known for growing beards (or much facial hair at all). There is some debate about whether this is merely a stereotype, but one thing we know for sure: the Spanish "sea pirates" that came to "rob, cheat, and kill [the locals]" were quite beardy. The word for beard in Spanish is "barba" and a bearded person is called "barbudo." To this day there are Spanish speakers in the Americas that refer to Spaniards as "barbudos..." and not in a, you know, warm and fuzzy kind of way.

Anthony, whose heritage goes back to Galicians from the northwest coast of Spain, is, therefore, "barbudo" in both historical and physiological ways. Many conquistadors of the Americas in the early 16th Century were from this specific region of Spain. Take for example, Nuño Guzmán, Galician and ruler during this time in Mexico of what would later become the region around Jalisco, but at the time was called Nueva Galicia. It is said of Guzmán:

"After the conquest of Nueva Galicia he became Govenor of that province in 1531. Eventually he was jailed in Mexico City for for his cruelty to Indians then he was recalled to Spain where he spent the rest of his life under house arrest."

Consider this representation of him:

Notice who's wearing beards and who's losing (literally) their head!

Now you know. Me, I'm just a beard.

Heavy Beards

Ran into a lot of fellow beards at the hipster hangout, The Heavy Anchor. Anthony has officially given up his fight to not be identified as a hipster. The beards came in many shapes and sizes. Can't really relate to the ginormous, scraggly ones, but appreciate the ambition and carefree lifestyle they enjoy. Another was more cultivated, combined with some nice, round-rimmed wire glasses. It lacked the distinction though that Anthony and I enjoy (mostly due to my gray bits). Don't worry if you are beardless. The place seemed quite welcoming to all kinds, has a great beer selection, friendly folk and a nook with retro couches for polite, more relaxed conversations. A music venue in the back looks unique as well, with ample old-school theater seating, which hosts movie nights, too. Bathrooms are conveniently located behind the stage (well, convenient because even if you don't want to stay for a show you get sneak peeks every time you have to pee).

This is my kind of beard (doesn't hurt that it has this amazingly alluring voice backing it up!):





Another favorite beard.Yeah, it's sloppy, but goes well with its owner's amazing talent!





Conclusion: I am clearly not the only beard with superpowers!

Dogs... and cats, too

So, Anthony has finally managed to not completely pass out from exhaustion before giving me a chance to have a word or two. Sure, he moved into a new apartment and started back to work this week, so I'll cut him some slack. None of his students have beards. Weird. Most of his colleagues don't either, with the notable exception of the Teacher of the Year who, by his own admission, has returned to school sporting a decidedly "Duck Dynasty" look. Fortunately, in spite of his aching body from the move and his lack of sleep, Anthony has managed to keep me fairly well-trimmed and presentable, with minimal neck beard... Neck beard is not appreciated so much in his job.

The new neighborhood, McKinley Heights, is remarkably full of humans walking their dogs. At the crack of dawn, throughout the day and in the dark of the night, neighbors are out for a stroll with their canines. I, of course, am a big fan of dogs. They are, essentially, all beard! It's ironic that there should be so many more dogs here than at my previous abode, located in the now seemingly misnamed neighborhood of Dogtown. Cat lovers don't hate. Anthony and I have developed a renewed interest in cats, too, being also all beard, but way softer than any other beard I have met!